Whoever thought that thoughts could damage
that reason is so blind it cuts with knives
purging your mind is a sacrafice
save us all and end this night
burden the others with your pity
leave the sympathy at home
I wake up everymorning
going,
but wishing I was at home
remembering what's there
believing in what I believe
how stands your vibrations, when your pissed at me?
remind and rewind the senses
take them to places of long ago
burn the memory of the hated
let all the shit just go
stand fight together
out foreign brethern no foes
help as we discover
life's brutal undertow
let us not battle
for we are one
the only one I know...
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
back at it again....
Well seeing as it was january 31 the last time I had an entry I figured I might as well add something new.
Nothing much has changed in life at the moment. Things at work are muuuuuuch better than they were the last time I wrote. I also had hernia surgery a few months ago... which was not fun. Eleanore is getting so big, it amazes me the stuff she pops off with... Jo and I are great. My little brother went to jail... well both of them did but for totally different reasons. I just wish they would grow up already... it is ridiculous of them for what each of them were in for... grnated Tony was only in there for like 3 days... and billy well it has been 6 months so far...
Things are good... going to try and learn Java script startin very soon... I figure any jump start I have on college will be to my benefit... so off I go later me.
Nothing much has changed in life at the moment. Things at work are muuuuuuch better than they were the last time I wrote. I also had hernia surgery a few months ago... which was not fun. Eleanore is getting so big, it amazes me the stuff she pops off with... Jo and I are great. My little brother went to jail... well both of them did but for totally different reasons. I just wish they would grow up already... it is ridiculous of them for what each of them were in for... grnated Tony was only in there for like 3 days... and billy well it has been 6 months so far...
Things are good... going to try and learn Java script startin very soon... I figure any jump start I have on college will be to my benefit... so off I go later me.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
The pheonix rises only to be shot in the head and drown in a sea of lies.
1/30/2010
Why is it that no one listens though they know you are right? Is it because you or I am the ones saying to them this is wrong or this is right? Do people get a complex when faced with the fact that maybe someone else outside the box and situation understands it a little clearer?
This all started a few days ago. My mom’s current husband was picked up by the police for non-payment of back child support (old payment he missed). Come to find out the money was taken from their taxes, but he was still picked up. Upon arresting him he is busted with a minimal amount of pot and a pipe on him. So, the guy is an idiot. My mom tells me the situation and how “DONE, SHE IS WITH HIM AND HE IS NEVER COMING BACK INTO HER LIFE”. Well, though I rarely believe here in situations like these, I begin to agree that this should be the last straw and he should.
On the 29th of this month (January) my mom is heading to the local WAL:-MART to help my little brother and his girlfriend get some groceries, when they get a phone call. “YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE”, they rush home to see her house in flames. The only conclusion they had was that one of the animals knocked over the electric space heater and started it. She lost everything, one of her cats and her dog. Things looked pretty grim. Not forgetting here as I forgot to add that her so-called husband has been not paying the mortgage for 3 months after she gave him the money to do so, his mom bails him out and he is now sitting with her, together, like always. I knew it. I knew she wouldn’t last. I figured more than a day though. I thought he’d be in there for atleast a bit longer.\
Anyway, she tells me that he is out so he can help her!!! Help her? Like he did paying the house payment? Or how he helped by sneaking out and smoking pot and getting drunk constantly? He is a selfish bastard who has used her from the start. She never listensto me on things with him. She says she loves him, and I get these ridiculous speeches about how you can’t choose who you fall in love with. BULL SHIT! Ok granted I know your heart will do as it pleases, but at some point you need to wake up and realize that you are co-dependant, have never lived alone and it kills you thinking about it. I know this because in some ways it has rubbed off on me. He could have beat her retarded nd she would still be there holding his hand saying: ”he didn’t mean it”. I have tried so hard in my life better myself. To set my self goals and meet them. All I want is to be proud of where I come from. But all that happens time and time again is nothing but disgrace. I love her with all my heart, but ties are soon to be cut.
Why is it that no one listens though they know you are right? Is it because you or I am the ones saying to them this is wrong or this is right? Do people get a complex when faced with the fact that maybe someone else outside the box and situation understands it a little clearer?
This all started a few days ago. My mom’s current husband was picked up by the police for non-payment of back child support (old payment he missed). Come to find out the money was taken from their taxes, but he was still picked up. Upon arresting him he is busted with a minimal amount of pot and a pipe on him. So, the guy is an idiot. My mom tells me the situation and how “DONE, SHE IS WITH HIM AND HE IS NEVER COMING BACK INTO HER LIFE”. Well, though I rarely believe here in situations like these, I begin to agree that this should be the last straw and he should.
On the 29th of this month (January) my mom is heading to the local WAL:-MART to help my little brother and his girlfriend get some groceries, when they get a phone call. “YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE”, they rush home to see her house in flames. The only conclusion they had was that one of the animals knocked over the electric space heater and started it. She lost everything, one of her cats and her dog. Things looked pretty grim. Not forgetting here as I forgot to add that her so-called husband has been not paying the mortgage for 3 months after she gave him the money to do so, his mom bails him out and he is now sitting with her, together, like always. I knew it. I knew she wouldn’t last. I figured more than a day though. I thought he’d be in there for atleast a bit longer.\
Anyway, she tells me that he is out so he can help her!!! Help her? Like he did paying the house payment? Or how he helped by sneaking out and smoking pot and getting drunk constantly? He is a selfish bastard who has used her from the start. She never listensto me on things with him. She says she loves him, and I get these ridiculous speeches about how you can’t choose who you fall in love with. BULL SHIT! Ok granted I know your heart will do as it pleases, but at some point you need to wake up and realize that you are co-dependant, have never lived alone and it kills you thinking about it. I know this because in some ways it has rubbed off on me. He could have beat her retarded nd she would still be there holding his hand saying: ”he didn’t mean it”. I have tried so hard in my life better myself. To set my self goals and meet them. All I want is to be proud of where I come from. But all that happens time and time again is nothing but disgrace. I love her with all my heart, but ties are soon to be cut.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
oh the agony... or is that empathy?
Well, today like all days flew by like there was no end to it. I hate the first nightshift in a set of 4. Mostly because I miss my family. When I am home I am asleep. Tomorrow will be differant because Noir has Ballet. I can't wait. It is so awesome seeing her dancing, or better yet seeing her be silly on stage with her friends. Life is not to bad other than my usual complaining of work. So for now I will leave you with that is that... Love you Jo and Noir... see you soon.
Jimi
Jimi
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
1/20/10
Well today has been a decent one. Jo had her Dr. appointment and Noir and I made a day of it together. But then reality sits in and reminds me of the dreaded nightshifts that lay before me. though not to bad as no one bothers me, it is redundant work and I miss my family more and more. Tomorrow night is my last of 4 shifts.
Today I heard that there will be a new set of positions opening up in a differant area up here. It will pay the same and only be 10hr dayshifts at 4 a week. I think I can cut that. Not only does it give me 2 extra vaca days (due to the 10hr shifts and not 12hr( but in turn I will be hom ewhile the sun is still shining and be hopefuly not as tired if I take one. I will have to wait and see what the future holds for me. If I take it it would be wonderful... but that decision is not just up to me.
So, hopefully we get our temple set into place so we can advance in our understandings of ourselves. I think that deciding to jin will make our lives better as a family... we will see. well that is all for now...
En.Ki
Today I heard that there will be a new set of positions opening up in a differant area up here. It will pay the same and only be 10hr dayshifts at 4 a week. I think I can cut that. Not only does it give me 2 extra vaca days (due to the 10hr shifts and not 12hr( but in turn I will be hom ewhile the sun is still shining and be hopefuly not as tired if I take one. I will have to wait and see what the future holds for me. If I take it it would be wonderful... but that decision is not just up to me.
So, hopefully we get our temple set into place so we can advance in our understandings of ourselves. I think that deciding to jin will make our lives better as a family... we will see. well that is all for now...
En.Ki
Monday, January 18, 2010
1/18/10
Well I have entered work with a really odd overwhelming feeling. Seems things are just a tad out of place with me today. Nothing out of the ordinary happened? So, jI am not sure what the fuss is all about. I did have horrible back pains lastnight. We need a new bed ever so badly. all i did was toss and turn. Finally, around 6 this morning I took one of my last muscle relaxers to kinda help with the back pains and with getting back to sleep. Well, all I wanted to do was sleep. I was so lazy. Don't get me wrong it was great to be that relaxed but it seems that all I wanted to do was lay down and nap. Well I think this overt laziness has caused a tad bit of anxiety for me tonight on my first night shift.
I will already be glad when these 4 nights are over. Then I am back to being at home for a six day stretch. Well, of course then I come back for even more night shifts but, you can't win them all. I did have a coffee drink with like 2 shots of espresso so maybe that has been battling the muscle relaxer. This causing a bit of unneeded and unwanted anxiety. I have been trying to get my shit together. Not just with work but also with life in general. I think we are going to join the Temple we have been wanting to join soon. Maybe some meditation and understanding of myself and the world and energies around me will help me to attain some sort of logic with myself. Who knows, but I am honestly glad Jo has decided to give it a try.
Eleanore, my littlest love seemd to be stuck on this mom and dad kick. She doesn't want to leave oursides. It kinda scares me because I know I have co-dependancy issues. All of this passes down from my own mom, derived from who knows what. All in all we are a happy family. Things between Jo and I are great. Every couple has there flaws, it is just your ability to embrace them that really matters.
In my mission to figure out who I am and what I stand for I have contacted an old friend. Dr. Dan Burisch. Though he drives Jo nuts she understands my need to have the chaoticness of governement conspiracies going on around me. All I want is to be who I am. Not who I used to be or am currently trying to be. I want to find the me that is inside of me. I know I can be a happy camper, because I used to be. So much shit in my life has happened. Most of it when I was a kid. Reliving this memories hurt mroe than anything, but they also give me something to strive to be better than for my own family. I just hope I am doing all that I can to secure our own future as that is all that matters to me.
I really think Iam going to start councelling with Jo. I mean we do not have to have the same person or even at the same time but I think letting go of some of this built up shit will help me in the long run. I really need to be on this path of self discovery. I need to feel like the decisions I make are my own, and they are made with my families best interest at heart.
I won't go into the details of work. I think I have written enough about the situations here. I think that I need to be off this crew and that I need to be in a place I am comfortable with. I need to live with-in my own means and contain myself there with-in. This blog is a great tool when I get off my ass and use it as such. I know at the moment no one reads this and I am fine with that. It is a great release for myself. A venting of rants, or maybe even a rant induced venting session. Either way, hopefully I will use this to my advantage and start making a differance in my own life so my family can florish, because they are who I am, and who I am is me.
En.Ki
I will already be glad when these 4 nights are over. Then I am back to being at home for a six day stretch. Well, of course then I come back for even more night shifts but, you can't win them all. I did have a coffee drink with like 2 shots of espresso so maybe that has been battling the muscle relaxer. This causing a bit of unneeded and unwanted anxiety. I have been trying to get my shit together. Not just with work but also with life in general. I think we are going to join the Temple we have been wanting to join soon. Maybe some meditation and understanding of myself and the world and energies around me will help me to attain some sort of logic with myself. Who knows, but I am honestly glad Jo has decided to give it a try.
Eleanore, my littlest love seemd to be stuck on this mom and dad kick. She doesn't want to leave oursides. It kinda scares me because I know I have co-dependancy issues. All of this passes down from my own mom, derived from who knows what. All in all we are a happy family. Things between Jo and I are great. Every couple has there flaws, it is just your ability to embrace them that really matters.
In my mission to figure out who I am and what I stand for I have contacted an old friend. Dr. Dan Burisch. Though he drives Jo nuts she understands my need to have the chaoticness of governement conspiracies going on around me. All I want is to be who I am. Not who I used to be or am currently trying to be. I want to find the me that is inside of me. I know I can be a happy camper, because I used to be. So much shit in my life has happened. Most of it when I was a kid. Reliving this memories hurt mroe than anything, but they also give me something to strive to be better than for my own family. I just hope I am doing all that I can to secure our own future as that is all that matters to me.
I really think Iam going to start councelling with Jo. I mean we do not have to have the same person or even at the same time but I think letting go of some of this built up shit will help me in the long run. I really need to be on this path of self discovery. I need to feel like the decisions I make are my own, and they are made with my families best interest at heart.
I won't go into the details of work. I think I have written enough about the situations here. I think that I need to be off this crew and that I need to be in a place I am comfortable with. I need to live with-in my own means and contain myself there with-in. This blog is a great tool when I get off my ass and use it as such. I know at the moment no one reads this and I am fine with that. It is a great release for myself. A venting of rants, or maybe even a rant induced venting session. Either way, hopefully I will use this to my advantage and start making a differance in my own life so my family can florish, because they are who I am, and who I am is me.
En.Ki
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